Wednesday, July 25, 2018


Early in my dating relationship with Jay, I realized I could no longer forge ahead in my teaching job. I’d taught two mornings a week during the worst of my illness, and I was exhausted. I knew I wouldn’t continue to heal if I kept teaching.

But I was unmarried and needed to pay my bills, so what’s a girl going to do?

“I’ll pay your bills,” Jay said. “And if we don’t keep dating, then I’ll just think of it as an investment in the Kingdom of Heaven, and you can pay me back without interest when you’re well enough to work again.”

I’ve never met someone more honest and open than Jay, so I knew he meant it.

A few days later he said, “If you step out of teaching, I think you need to focus on writing. You have a story to tell.”

That week I felt seen by Jay, like he’d peered inside my tired soul and found, buried beneath layers of dust and cobwebs, the writerly dreams I used to dream — dreams that became impossible when illness broke my body.

In Genesis 16:13, Hagar calls God "The God who sees." I love this name for God. It reminds me that He sees every hidden dream and pervasive need; He sees what breaks our hearts and what makes our souls fully alive.

He sees, and He cares.

I've spent so many years of my adult life hidden away in bed, struggling to rest in the fact that God sees me and cares about me. I am learning that if Jay, my wonderful but imperfect husband, sees me and wants to pour his resources into my well-being, how much more must our perfect Jesus lean in with tender attention, offering all He has to us?

Today, I am thankful for the ways Jay's Heart gives me glimpses into the generous, attentive heart of God.

© by scj

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