Saturday, March 25, 2017

More victories

My friends,

I continue to be rather MIA this winter, mostly because I'm continuing to forge ahead on this healing journey. My progress is glorious, but this process continues to be hard and exhausting. I've been dreaming about healing for so long, I didn't anticipate how difficult it would be to learn to live again. But it is hard, and I find myself too tired to even think about blogging most days. I do love staying connected with you, though, and I miss you when I don't blog, so I am hoping to settle into a routine of posting photos of the many ways I am participating in life.

Today, I have five weeks' worth of photos to share, each of them representing massive limbic system retraining victories!

A few weeks ago, my dear friend, Tanya, came down from Oregon for a girls' weekend at the beach. Tanya suffered years of illness before embarking on the long journey of healing, and she has been a lifeline to me on my journey. Year after year, she has helped me fight back the darkness and hold onto hope, and it was absolutely glorious to be able to spend the weekend with her at a cute little Airbnb two blocks from the beach.

Three of my five siblings and siblings-in-law were in town shortly after Tanya's visit, so we enjoyed a picnic on the beach just before a glorious sunset. I loved my time with them!

Baby Jackson was the size of a coconut during his or her visit!

Sister has a deep and abiding love for Disneyland, so while she was in town, we spent the day in the happiest place on earth, which, incidentally, also happens have more limbic system triggers than most places on earth, so my ability to spend eight hours enjoying the park was truly wondrous — one of the biggest limbic system retraining victories to date!

Last weekend, I got to visit my friends A, J, and their darling babies for the first time in quite awhile. They live in the desert where the wild flowers are currently in bloom, so a poppy pitstop en route to their house was essential.

If you live in southern California, you must drive into the desert this week to catch the wild flowers!

Just look at these babies:

I was in baby heaven. I was also amazed at A's ability to hold both babies for more than five minutes at a time without experiencing cramping, twitching, and other painful effects of lactic acid.

Young mamas have got ARMS OF STEEL.

My absolute favorite limbic system retraining victory of 2017 is my ability to run again. I first tried running about a month ago. "I'll just jog a lap and see if my body wants to run," I decided. By the second lap, I was laughing aloud because it was clear: BODY WANTED TO RUN! I ran a mile and a half, and when I was done, I laid in the sun and laughed some more. And my gosh, you guys: I forgot how powerful running endorphins are. As I bathed in that sea of endorphins, I felt deeply, emphatically happy for the first time in many years. Running is perhaps the best anti-depressant on God's green earth.

A photo to commemorate that first run!

Since that first run, I've continued to go on occasional short runs. Spring is in full bloom here, and I love running down streets lined with trees sprouting new life. They feel like kindred spirits in this new season.

And yet. And yet — I wonder how long there will be an "And yet"? — I find myself needing to take a break from all activity and steal away by my lonesome and rest in the quiet a lot in this season. Most days I curl up in a sunny patch on my bed, or lie on a blanket under a tree, and I just rest, think, pray, and sleep.

For some reason I thought perhaps God wouldn't be quite so active in growing me spiritually during this season of healing. I thought he would let me float, carefree, for a few months. But he's been pressing in, stirring, awakening, challenging, and changing me in significant ways. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. He is faithful — always faithful — and he will always finish the work he has started. And as long as we're this side of heaven, there is loads of work to finish. I'm thankful he's a God who never gives up — whose shadow does not shift and change. We can always count on him to restore our souls.

If you are doing DNRS, I want to encourage you: I'm over eight months into training, and I continue to discover new layers of healing to address. I will likely need to train for several months longer, maybe even another year. So keep pressing past that six month mark: you will be amazed at how much healing you experience. Keep soldiering through the relentless challenges, the flare-ups, the discouragement, and the surprising difficulty. I'm praying for you as you do.

Hopeful, grace-filled Saturday, my friends.

I'm cheering for you, Home Skillets.


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  1. I'm not even sure how I found your blog awhile back but I've been cheering for you and I'm so happy to read such a joyful update! Praise God for continued victories and healing. This post made me smile. Keep pressing on girlfriend!

    1. Thank you, [my fellow] Sarah, for cheering for me, and for your encouragement! I am so thankful for all of the good work God is doing in this body of mine. :)