Thursday, February 14, 2013

Instructions for what to do should you happen to drive past a lemon grove

1. Pull over immediately, and park.

2. Climb out of the car, close your eyes, and inhale.

3. Smile.

4. Jump.

5. Twirl.

And twirl.

And twirl.

6. When the world has stopped spinning, thank God that you just twirled in a lemon grove whilst wearing 4-inch heels and, somehow, did not sprain your ankles.

7. Bump noses with a lemon. Everyone knows you're supposed to bump noses with lemons in lemon groves.

8. Walk to the top of the hill in the middle of the lemon grove and ask a kind stranger to take a picture of you with the hills in the background.

9. Then ask him if he'd please, if it's not too much trouble, maybe take a picture of you with Catalina Island in the background?

10. When he complies with gusto, thank him. And when he is suddenly possessed with an urgent desire to document your lemon grove adventure more thoroughly than you ever dreamed of documenting it — when he leads you hither and thither, up stairs and down stairs, and round and round the gazebo, all the while snap-snap-snapping away — pose your little heart out.

11. When he thinks trying to capture a silhouette shot is a good idea, strike your very best silhouette statue pose.

12. When he suggests assuming a Charlie's Angel's pose, go for it, baby.

13. When you see the Charlie's Angel's photo later, make a mental note to practice that pose at home in your bathroom mirror. Alone.

14. And when the eager photographer suggests an arm-in-the-air diva look, give it your best shot.

Because it may turn out to be the coolest shot of the whole shoot.

15. Thank the helpful stranger-photographer, hop in the car, and speed off into the sunset.

© by scj

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