Introverted

I've missed you, friendlies! I've felt quite unwell the last week, and had to put the ol' blogski on the back burner.

Since I've been resting, resting, resting, I don't have much to report. Except that I discovered I prefer sweetening my homemade ice cream with honey, not stevia; and I've started putting dried coconut in my smoothies. My daisies have contracted the same fungus that invades my potted plants each summer, and I wish I had grown carrots in my garden this year.  Oh yes, and I've officially concluded that online dating is not for me.

It's not that there aren't great guys online. I was pleasantly surprised by the abundance of good-looking, smart, hard-working, Jesus-loving guys who are online.

So, if you're single and you're in a place in life where you just.aren't.meeting.singles, then sign up! Pronto! What are you waiting for?!

But wait. First, check out my series on dating from awhile back, just to make sure you're doing everything you can to meet the eligible singles in your area.

If you're doing everything you can — attending social gatherings, initiating conversations, making new friends, "laying out the welcome mat," "knocking on the door" — and you're still not meeting singles, then online may be the place for you.

But if you're in an area that's saturated with young professionals the way my area is, then you may want to avoid online dating.

Especially if you're an introvert.

Unlike extroverts, introverts are energized by alone time. They aren't necessarily shy, and they don't necessarily have an aversion to social activities, but they recharge away from crowds where there's peace, quiet, and all sorts of space for introspection.

I am an introvert. I love people, but am always drained after a social event. For every hour of socializing, I need at least four hours of alone time to recharge. I would be wonderfully content living on a virtually unpopulated mountain in a cabin at the end of a long gravel road.

Despite my affinity for alone time, I've been taking the advice I delineated in my recent dating series, which means I'm socializing as much as I can. As a result, I've been meeting scores of eligible guys along the way.

But all this socializing takes its toll.

And I really don't have the stamina to continue all this socializing AND go out on dates with strangers with whom there will likely be no chemistry.

Something has to give, and it's certainly not going to be my alone time.

So I've hung up my online dating hat. I much prefer meeting men in person when I'm out and about. It's natural, and, since I plan on hanging out with my friends anyway, it doesn't require any time or energy beyond what I already intended to expend on the social excursion.

And now, as I close this chapter on my online dating career, I'm going attempt to give some "advice nuggets" from my very short online dating experience, for all you introverted daters:

if you're meeting lots of Christian singles in your social circles, then keep on keepin' on with that social life! I think it should take priority over online dating, if you have to choose between the two.

(A caveat: my dating advice has never led to marriage, ever. At least as far as I know. Just keep that in mind, man).

These organic relationships will likely be much more valuable to you than the "relationships" you develop with the singles you meet via an online dating site. You may not develop anything romantic with the people you meet via social networking, but it's likely you'll run into them again. And you may even become friends with these new folks, which would be really lovely.

It's less likely that you'll develop friendships and have intersecting social circles with the people you meet online, especially if you're in a big city, like I am. I think this is because online dating facilitates "hit and run"-type interactions. You meet up with a perfect stranger; assess potential; and then most likely part ways forever and ever, amen. It's just online dating culture.

And listen, the new friends you make while socializing have single siblings, kids, cousins, and friends of their own — who knows but that one of their connections will be your golden, matrimonial connection!! And who knows but that one of your friends will become their ticket to a life of martial bliss!

If you're an extrovert who can handle online dating and a social life like the one my single friends recommend (here), then go for it, man! More power to you! (And more exposure for you). You are truly the dating energizer bunnies of this world, and for that I am in awe of you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my final online dating-facilitated date tomorrow, and I need a good night's sleep to recharge this introverted battery of mine. ;)

Sleep tight!

-SJ




© by scj