Monday, July 1, 2013

Online dating adventure, day 8: Unexpected

Well, I've finally sort of settled into this whole online dating thing. I continue to laugh aloud at some of the messages I get, and I giggle my way through lots of profiles. So many funny guys.

The part of me that is fascinated by reality t.v. shows is also fascinated by all these men's online profiles. I love analyzing the way they market themselves, and the differences in the way Christians and non-Christians approach online dating and self presentation. I love analyzing the way the respective groups' online approaches compare to their in-person approaches to dating.

One thing is for sure: the social media age has made all of us our own best PR reps. ;)

I've been pleasantly surprised by the number of professing Christian men on this non-Christian dating site. There aren't tons of them, but there are enough that I'm chatting with a several interesting guys right now.

Interestingly, non-Christians seem to be much more inclined to ask me out for drinks in the first email, whereas Christians take a slower approach. I'm not quite sure why this is, but it's given me great fodder for speculation.

My most fun interaction thus far has been unexpected.

My first day online, I got an email from an intelligent, active, funny, successful man. Holla. I checked his profiled, didn't see any signs that he was a Christian, but figured I'd do my due diligence and write him anyway. Who knows but that he hadn't finished setting his profile up. Or something like that.

I told him I was looking to serve Jesus with someone, and asked if he'd be willing to share his thoughts on life with Jesus.

His response was thoughtful and earnest, but made it clear that, although he believed in God, he wasn't a follower of Jesus.

He said he couldn't understand how a good God could send people to hell, nor could he imagine that Jesus is truly the only way to the Father.

So I responded with a couple of sentences speaking to his objections. I told him I understood them, and had grappled with the same questions in the past. I also told him we wouldn't be romantically compatible, but that I loved digging into this stuff, and would be glad to dialogue with him about it online.

Hours later, he responded with a series of objections to and questions about Christianity. And we've been dialoging about them since then.

It's exciting and energizing whenever God lets us participate in the work his Spirit is doing in the lives of others, isn't it?! I'm loving this. So much good stuff coming out of this impulsive adventure already.

© by scj


  1. Yay! Love your willingness to talk the theology with others who are questioning in a respectful way. It's hard these days to find those who can truly participate in Christian Apologetics without devolving into irrationality and mudslinging.

    Gryphon's passion for apologetics has rubbed off on me. (He was on the other side of the debate until his Junior year of college--and thoroughly enjoyed the debates)

    1. Should marriage be a part of my future, I look forward to my husband's interests rubbing off on me. What fun!

      I imagine your sharp mind and intentionality in building relationships have given you many opportunities to explore the claims of Christ with the people you meet. It is such a life-giving opportunity, isn't it?!

  2. Stumbled upon your blog and am fascinated to read about your adventures in online dating. Reminds me a little of the interesting journey of Sarah and Tobias in the Book of Tobit read through a metaphorical and psychological lens. May St. Raphael watch over you.


    1. Hi, John,

      Thanks for sharing. This is a fascinating parallel you've drawn! Do you mind expounding a bit? What is it about my online dating journey that reminds you of the journey of Sarah and Tobias? I'm interested!


  3. Hi Sarah,

    In general, when Christians talk about dating, I think of the Book of Tobit. Here are some highlights that I think are worth noting, though mileage on individual cases may vary :).

    1. Sarah had a deep desire for an intimate relationship.

    2. Sarah was in despair given her lived experiences. She saw her husband-to-be die unexpectedly. Twice. Right on the edge of consummation. When a relationship ends and we don't quite understand why it ended, it is akin to experiencing and witnessing an internal, psychological death.

    3. Even in Sarah's despair and prayer, God is at work in brining Tobias to her.

    4. Tobias needed an angel, to guide him and lead him in the journey. Even then, he had to face and conquer death on his own. The very object that he conquered is also what protects him and brings healing to Sarah. The path for a righteous man towards marriage is also one that involves him battling and conquering the things that can swallow him up. For most men it is not the threat of physical death, but the threat of spiritual and psychological death.

    5. Tobias' journey was initiated by an unforeseen event on Pentecost. The Holy Spirit is ultimately at work in bringing people together.

    6. Tobias = God is good.


    1. Hi, John,

      Sorry for my delayed response. The ol' bloski has gotten pushed to the back burner this week.

      Thanks for fleshing out this parallel between Christian dating and the story of Sarah and Tobias.

      Although I don't currently identify with the despair Sarah feels, I most certainly identify with this idea that experiencing a break-up can be like experiencing a death. And I also love the story's emphasis on the role of the Holy Spirit in uniting people. I'm thankful for his goodness, and his involvement in the details! Any story that spotlights the goodness and sovereignty of the Spirit of God must be worth reading!

      I'm glad you shared this,