Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Scenes from a presidential banquet, Part 3

Last week I posted part 1 from the President's story one of the students I tutor and I created. You can read it here. Somehow, part 2 has gotten lost in the bowels of Tutorville, and so I give you part 3. 

But first, a review of parts 1 and 2:

The setting: a hoity toity presidential banquet in a fancy schmanzy building; and the street outside the banquet which is, incidentally, teeming with queer characters.

The action: a man sitting on the john wearing a tie; drinks spilling; canons firing; pizza at a McDonalds next door (with 13 chimneys); a drink master who served cool soda and sherbet, and a dog named Franklin who ate a rose of felt off an unsuspecting man’s lapel (Franklin Roosevelt) etc. We left off with the dog devouring Franklin's rose of felt.

And now, scene 3:

A hippy standing in the street outside McDonalds watched the dog tear the rose to shreds. “Woooah,” he murmured. “That dog’s saliva is so hairy.” His friend, also a hippy, turned to him and said, “So true, man, so true.” (Harry Truman)

Just then, a basketball player, on his way to perform at the presidential banquet, came jogging down the street past the hippies and boomed, “Dwight in the hooooouse!!!”

This hippies watched, their mouths agape, as Dwight spun, jumped, and spun some more, right into a building.

“Ouch!” he cried as he nursed his bleeding elbow. “I need some ice!”

“The ice is in that tower, Dwight” one of the hippies said, pointing to the banquet hall’s highest turret. (Dwight Eisenhower)

Minutes later, the basketball player was in the tower icing his wound while using the John and gazing out the bathroom window. “Wow! What a view! From up here I can see Kennedy. Wait. Kentucky. Or is it Connecticut?” (John Kennedy)

He heard a knock on the door. A man from London yelled through the door to the John, “Kennedy’s not a state, son!” (Lyndon Johnson)

When the basketball player opened the door the Brit looked up at him in awe. “Hello, I’m Richard. Do you play for the Knicks or the Suns?” (Richard Nixon)

All of a sudden, one of the hippies, named Gerald, decided to go for a joyride in his Ford, up the tower stairs. (Gerald Ford).

He flew up the stairs and crashed out the side of the tower, his car dangling dangerously over the street below. The tower’s head security guard, Jimmy, put a cart under the dangling car and yelled, “Jump into this cart or die!” (Jimmy Carter)

Minutes later, Ronald walked out of McDonalds next door holding a ray gun. “I didn’t know they put these in happy meals!” he exclaimed. (Ronald Reagan)

He pointed the gun upward, tested the trigger, and accidentally shot the car perched precariously above him. Slowly, the car disappeared into thin air and the hippy fell to the ground, safe and sound.

A girl watching on the street yelled at the hippy, “Are you crazy, you almost killed my friend George! Now look at him, he’s lying disheveled in that bush!” (George Bush)

At that moment, twins, named William and Clinton, walked out of the presidential banquet, yawning with boredom. As soon as they saw George lying in the bush they ran over to help him, lifting him onto a bench with a huge “W” on it. It was an advertisement for wiener schnitzel. (George W. Bush)

And then, just as George was getting situated, out of the banquet walked the current president of the United States, Barak Obama. When he saw George, he walked over to him and said,

“Want a gummy worm?”

The end.

Note: this is in no way political commentary. It’s just a silly pneumonic device, man.

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 © by scj and mg

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