Thursday, February 27, 2014

Thursday Things: Laws of the Universe

1. There is a purported law of the universe that goes something like this:

If you buy cheap sunglasses, then you will have them for decades; and if you buy expensive sunglasses, then you will no doubt lose them to the black hole vortex that is the bowel of the universe — you know, the place where all the impish, venturesome, lone-ranging socks go.

It's no surprise, then, that a few weeks ago, during the flood mayhem, I lost my expensive sunglasses. My cheap sunglasses, however, haven't left my side. Since then, I have been searching high and low for my missing sunglasses.

I've checked under pillows, on shelves, and in every drawer. I even looked in the mailbox. And then, this week, I discovered them, in like-new condition, in the dryer.

Somehow they'd survived the wash and a 60-minute dry cycle with nary a scratch or loose hinge. It turns out expensive sunglasses are not the worst investment for space cadets...

Take that, Universe! Your wily schemes won't get the best of me! *Throwing back head and laughing maniacally*

2. There is another law of the universe that goes something like this:

If your name is Sarah Christine Jackson and you decide to take the plunge into the world of online dating, then there are two types of men whose profiles you will be inclined to read:

A) Men with long hair
B) Men who are completely bald

Years ago a good friend observed that my approach to life was generally "all or nothing."

It turns out she's right.

3. In heaven, I will dance like this 6-year old girl:

Until then, I'll stick with what I know best:

Jazz hands, folks. You can't go wrong with jazz hands.

Or salsa. You can't go wrong with salsa:

My salsa partner, Dan

4. There is a third law of the universe that goes something like this:

If you stop at Trader Joe's after a long day of teaching without lunch and you buy a bag of sweet potato chips, then you will eat the entire bag in the 10-minute car ride home.

Moral of the story: buy a bag of broccoli the next time you go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.

5. Last night I awoke to a rather shocking and unfamiliar sound: rain dancing across my window panes. It's supposed to rain all weekend which means that, come Monday, the normally smoggy air will be scoured clean, and I will be able to see the ocean from my house, sparkling in the sunny sea air. I cannot wait.

6. Today's final law of the universe:

If you live in an area with lots of smog, the sunsets in said area will likely knock your socks off. (Don't bother looking for your socks when they're gone, though; no doubt the Universe's insatiable black hole vortex will have quickly sucked them into oblivion.)

That's Catalina Island on the far-off horizon

7. It turns out laws of the universe are my jam, folks. Stay tuned for what may be my next book: "Laws of the Universe: Subverting their Sly Schemes (Or Surrendering to Them; Whatever Floats your Space Cadet-ish Boat)"

I'm open to alternative titles.

8. Happy almost-Friday, my friends!


© by scj


  1. I'm quite certain there are laws of the universe pertaining to wearing white shirts which get permanent stains within the first 2 minutes of putting them on, and nylons that get snagged while you are delicately pulling them up your leg. Just sayin'....

    1. I must whole-heartedly agree, Sharon. In fact, I think we can safely add white pants, shorts, dresses and shoes to the first law. We might also add a law about bumping fingernails that have been freshly painted...

  2. If you have to choose, go for the bald guy. They spend less on shampoo and less time in front of the mirror. Bald is awesome. Michael Jordan, Captain Picard, Rick Harrison, Mr. Clean... all bald and all awesome.

    1. Yes, Snapdragon, I must agree. Bald is the new awesome. Or maybe it's always been awesome. Either way, it's awesome. Should I ever be fortunate to choose between a bald man and a man with a ponytail, I'll keep your advice in mind.... ;)

  3. Stunning sunsets!

    The ratio here in oil boom town is 26 guys to 1 gal. I've got my eye out for you.

    1. I do have the loveliest sunset view from way up here on the ridge top, Dayna. :)

      Heavens, your town's ratio is MUCH better than mine! Thanks for keepin' an eye out; I'm glad to have scouts across the nation! ;)