Monday, March 17, 2014

[Paranoia] and Adventures

Yesterday I noticed a rather long leaf that I'd tracked into the house. On second thought, it was a very, very long leaf. On third thought, it was a lizard. On fourth thought, it was a lizard that looked like it had been born of a lizard who married a snake. It was a very slithery, yucky lizard.

I quickly dumped out my box of grading and stealthy snuck up on the lizard, slamming the box over him with a nervous, "Got ya!"

Minutes later I stood staring at the box, unsure of what my next steps would be. I supposed I would have to stick my hand under the box, grab the guy, and release him into the great outdoors. I reluctantly pulled some gloves on and grabbed a wad of paper towels wrapped in plastic with which to carry the critter. I intended to keep at least eight layers between his scales and my skin.

But I couldn't lift the box. Instead, I stared at it, frozen and silent. I trembled with anxiety. I shuddered with revulsion. I marched to the neighbors and asked if they could help me.

They agreed to help, and walked bravely into my house carrying an old record sleeve entitled, "Christmas Cheer."

"I'm not keen on touching that thing, so I'm going to slip this cardboard sleeve under the box and carry it outside" one of them said.

And that's exactly what he did. And we all lived cheerfully ever after.

Until this morning when I was awakened by an earthquake.

In my stupor, I thought a huge Samson-esque man was trying to break in, and was rocking the house while doing so. It was the most sensible explanation I could come up with at the time.

The night was full of sensible explanations. Earlier last night, I'd awakened and looked to the floor where my sister, who had been staying with me all week, slept while she was here.

But she wasn't there.

I panicked, assuming she'd been abducted. My surge of adrenaline cleared my head of the sandman's stupor-inducing magic, and I remembered that my sister had flown back to Portland the day before. (Tomorrow I shall blog about our sunny adventures).

So I went back to sleep. Until the earthquake awakened me.

And now I'm wondering what the day will hold. Adventures, no doubt.

Happy Monday, my friends!


© by scj

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