Monday, March 10, 2014

Monday thoughts: the "up-the-nose" angle

I have recently discovered the most unflattering camera angle of all time: the "up-the-nose" angle.

I discovered this when I met a "date" on Skype for the first time a couple weeks back. [side note: he was a nice guy but there was nothing there, Jack; our first Skype date was our last]. 

His computer was on his bed and he sat above it while talking to me, and heavens, I could not for the life of me tell what he really looked like. If you put him in a line-up of men, it is possible I would not be able to identify him. 

I would, however, be able to recognize his nostrils from a mile away.

This has only reinforced my need to keep all cameras pointed my direction at eye level or above. Eye-level is the new sea-level: it must be "used as a standard in [camera] elevation."

I have not always been so mindful of camera angles. In fact, in the past I have been the worst of all "up-the-nose Skypers":

A friend put this collage together after taking pictures of our Skype conversation. It's  a good friend who focuses on your smile when she could focus on your nostrils...

But my newfound resolution to abide by the "eye level" rule has had me pushing through arm cramping, neck kinks, and other bodily discomforts to keep my phone, computer, and camera at eye level when Face-timing, Skyping, or picture-taking, for the viewing protection of those I love, or do not love but may one day love.

In fact, I've taken to asking very tall men to take pictures of me, just to be safe.

And then, several days ago, I got a spot of glue on my favorite sunglasses, smack dab in front of my eyeball. 

I can't remove the glue and these sunglasses are too cute to not wear, so I wear them anyway and just cock my head back so I can see through the bottom half of the lens. It is an up-the-nose sight to behold. 

Beholders, I'm so so sorry.

2. I got snail mail six times last week, and one of the deliveries was a surprise care package from a childhood friend. The delight. The surprise. The general sense of hope for the future, when I will almost certainly get more snail mail.

We should all take a moment of silence this week to write someone a letter and then mail it. Let's do it! Let's! And put a stick of gum in the letter! Everyone likes to get treats with their mail! Better yet, stick in a whole pack of gum!

3. This last weekend my mom, sister and I all met at my grandma's house in Arizona for some girls' time. It was a weekend of sunny patios, freshly squeezed orange juice, fragrant citrus blossom-infused breezes, neighborhood walks, and, of course, shopping. We also managed to squeeze a hike in with all that loveliness.

Dry Warmth: it's the third best medicine, next to laughter and family, of course. 

Prickles and blossoms: spring in the desert is a glorious thing

4. This morning I had breakfast with a colleague, after which I sat in the sun sipping tea and savoring the quiet warmth before class. And then, within minutes, my day became hectic and disorganized and I went on frazzled, holy-cow-I-am-fallible overload, and wondered how I would make it through the week. So I stopped running around looking for my chicken head, and watched puppy videos instead.

You should, too. It helps with the Monday frazzles.

5. Hey, this is a nice rhyme!: "So I stopped running around looking for my chicken head, and watched puppy videos instead."

Sometimes I like a good ol' fashioned rhyming game. Which, according to the "Which Princess Bride character are you?" quiz I took today, means I am Princes Buttercup. I'll take it!

6. The birds outside my window are rejoicing because SPRING IS HERE!!!!

7. Happy Monday, my friends! I hope your day has been spring-y, and that you haven't wasted much time running around looking for your chicken head. It turns out chicken heads are very, very good at hiding. Better to just watch puppy videos. 


Puppy Image Credits:;
© by scj


  1. Huh. Turns out I am Miracle Max. Guess I'll have to change my screen name.

    1. Miracle Max! He's one of the best characters ever! I love him!

      "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe ."

    2. And now I really must watch that movie again.
      ("We've just sucked one hour of your life away. Tell me... how do you feel?")

    3. Oh man, you and I both! It's a sure fire Spring break activity... leisurely viewing with lots of popcorn.

      "You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles!"