Monday, March 24, 2014

True Tales: in which I list true things

Today I'd like to tell you some true things.

True thing #1: Yesterday, on the way to a birthday party, I began writing a text to a friend that went like this: "Do you mind bringing a roll of toilet paper for me to the party tonight? I'm out of t.p. at home and won't have time to buy any tonight." It took awhile to type coherent sentences because my carpool was whipping around corners like he was reliving his childhood Nascar fantasy, but finally, after a few fumbling minutes, I'd typed it. And then, without a second thought, I sent it. I actually sent it.

True thing #2: Old age has whittled away my sense of texting dignity.

True thing #3: My friend showed up to our friend's birthday party with a roll of toilet paper in her purse.

True thing #4: I have a true friend.

True thing #5: I got so caught up in the festivities of the birthday party that I forgot to get the roll of toilet paper from my friend.

True thing #6: I convinced my carpool to stop at the store on the way home from the party so I could buy toilet paper. Actually, it didn't take any convincing as he is amicable and generous and doesn't think late night spur-of-the-moment toilet paper runs are at all inconvenient.

True thing #7: I wore wool socks with flip flops into the store to get toilet paper. Even still, my friend came into the store with me and walked beside me and talked to me, unfazed.

It dipped into the 60's last night, requiring that I don five layers.

True thing #8: I have two true friends.

True thing #9: I sure do know how to dress for a party.

True thing #10: Yesterday, before the party, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I turned and saw a stranger, wearing a Nike sweatshirt, sitting casually and confidently in my leather chair.

True thing #11: It wasn't a stranger:

True thing #12: My mama was right: it's always a good idea to hang your clothes up when you're done wearing them.

True thing #13: Yesterday, before I nearly jumped out of my skin, I laid beneath my window eating chips. Normally I lounge and eat chocolate when I'm sabbathing, and normally I am used to finding flecks of melted chocolate on my person throughout the day. But yesterday I munched too vigorously and a chip crumb flew through the air and landed in my eye.

True thing #14: It was triangular crumb. A very, very acute triangular crumb. As in, there were no obtuse angles. As in, all the angles were very, very acute.

True thing #15: I'll take flecks of melted chocolate on my person over pointy triangular chip crumbs in my eye any day.

True thing #16: Once, my sister and I ate two pounds of bacon in one morning.

True thing #17: I love bein' all growed up.

True thing #18: I like ya. All of ya. And I hope you have a toilet paper and bacon-filled Monday.

© by scj

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